In the course of a divorce, there are always decisions to be made regarding the children. Consistency is a necessary part of preventing the chaos that ensues when your children come home from the ex's, but how do you get that? You can ask your divorce lawyer to request it in family court, which may be enforced if the judge feels that too much inconsistency exists. You will have to show and prove your current challenges with the children and your ex, which can make these orders difficult. You may encounter orders for "parallel parenting" or "co-parenting", two phrases which mean entirely different things. Here are their defining features and what makes these orders different.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is what you were doing together, under the same roof, before the divorce. You both made the same decisions for the children, backed each other up and set rules for the children to follow. You created a list of consequences and disciplinary action, too. If you are still quite amicable and agreeable with your former spouse, you can continue to "co-parent" while the two of you live in separate residences and share custody of the children. This is only a feasible order IF both of you are consistently on the same page regarding the children's needs, rules, discipline, and actions.

Parallel Parenting

Parallel parenting is what happens when couples split and there are differences of opinion with regards to child rearing, discipline, etc. Essentially, there is some agreement on common-ground issues, but the rest is divisive. For instance, perhaps you would rather deny your children of special privileges than apply corporal punishment, while your ex prefers corporal punishment to denied privileges. Complications of this sort can only be metered out through parallel parenting and adequate communication. This means that if you and your former spouse go your own ways on about half of the issues surrounding the kids, you will have to talk to each other more about things that happened with the kids when they were at the other parent's home.

Still, you and your ex retain the right to exercise rules and discipline in your own way at your own homes. It is best for the children if you can attempt to keep some things consistent across the board, but it may not always work that way. At any rate, the judge may order that both of you work at parallel parenting rather than co-parenting if the both of you are just too hostile toward each other to make co-parenting work.

For more information, contact a lawyer at a law firm such as Nichols, Speidel, & Nichols.

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